shinzuishou

Damnit why is it that every time I feel like writing in this thing i'm super pissed off or super confused? Nothing can ever be easy can it? I mean, you live your life being someone who you think you are, and one day you change. It can be the most obvious or latent thing that stimulates this change, but when it happens you don't even know it. I've always conducted myself in such a manner that is kind and polite, but now i don't even know if that's who i ever was. I've made some pretty big decisions that I would have never made before and I look back on those decisions and don't regret them. i knew what i was getting into. i trully did, but my downfall that will forever torment me is that I care too goddamn much about the  others opinions. it's not even shit talking that gets to me cause we all know that's just a part of life, but when i mean I care too much about people's opinions is that i care too much about what the people think. The people who I care about and who care about me. yeah, it's a good thing to listen to what others have to say, but my problem would have to be that I take their opinion of a situation completely to heart. I rather do the "right and responsible thing" than actually do how I feel. and in the long run, is that so bad? Is me setting my feelings to the side to make someone else's life easier so wrong? Some would argue yes.

I've always considered myself to be a pretty open person, who speaks their mind and shares their feelings. However, it's been brought to my attention that I'm the opposite. I've always said what I felt with no apologies, but not too long ago I figured I was doing something wrong. Something was wrong about me, so i changed who i was hoping that things wouldn't end up the same way. Suprise surprise! I'm wrong again. 


There's no happy median.